These words were made to inspire, to help me grow, to progress, to simply vent, & to remember that life is a constant struggle but also a beautiful blessing. This is everything that either makes me or breaks me; all of which comes down to my unspoken words. Instagram - jcxlooove
Anonymous asked: how r u nd ur boyfriend ? can u like tell me how u manage to cope wid that in details ?
We’re actually doing really well! :) We just celebrated our 3rd monthsary on the 25th. It hasn’t been long yet, but this is longer than I thought we could go considering the fact that we live in two different countries with a 14 hour time difference. It definitely is hard dealing with the stress of being so far away, but we manage perfectly fine. Just knowing that we are still able to have an incredible bond and such a strong love keeps us going.
Remember — love has no distance.
the reassurance that my boyfriend gives me. His comfort, even when he’s half the world away from me, feels so amazing. Things aren’t going too well for me right now, but I know I can always count on him to put a smile on my face. After everything, all I can say is I am one blessed girl to have someone like him in my life. He truly is something special, & like I said before, I wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world. He is beyond everything any girl could ever wish for.
He makes me feel so important. He shows me that he truly cares for me & my well being, and he always lets me know that I’m never alone through anything. Even if he’s not here with me physically, he’s always here in heart. As corny as that sounds, that’s basically all we have right now. What I love most is that he always sees the best in me. He always sees beauty in me no matter how messed up I’m looking on webcam. He always makes me feel so comfortable in my own skin. No matter how hard the situation is, he toughs it out for me. For us, & for our relationship.
Even though I can’t hold him or see him as often as I’d like, he really does mean the world to me. I don’t know what I would do without him in my life today. I mean, yeah, I’m not gonna say that I can’t survive without him because hell, I know I can. But life with him just couldn’t get any better.
Thank you Lord, for giving me such a beautiful blessing <3
I have kept too many things in, and eventually, the only thing left to do was just break down. I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me at this point in my life, but all I know is, I’m so unhappy. Ever since I came back from Philippines, my life has just been empty. So lifeless.
School. — I’m sure many of you have felt this way at least once when it came to school, but I have seriously lost my motivation. I’m so sick & tired of worrying about school, about perfecting every little thing on every little college paper I write, about showing up on time and never leaving early, about working my ass off studying for everything, and the list goes on. I honestly just want to live my life with no worries anymore. I’m tired of thinking too far ahead. I’m tired of worrying so much about my future. My future will work its way here, but for now? I just want to live. Don’t get me wrong, I care about school. I care about my education. & it’s not that I don’t have a plan for myself and that I could care less about what happens. It has NOTHING to do with that. I’m just tired. I’m sure many of you are too, and if you still have your motivation to proceed with school, then good for you. That’s something to be really proud of. I wish I was more like you.
Family issues. — I know every family goes through their own series of problems and personal issues every now and then, but it seems like such an endless battle for mine. I moved back to Fairbanks (from Anchorage) to be closer to my friends & family, but I’ve never felt so distant from them. Even when they are right in front of my face, I don’t feel as if I’m really “close” to them anymore. This pertains mainly to my family. We’ve become so broken throughout the years that it feels almost impossible to put back all the broken pieces. Sometimes, I wonder if it’ll ever be the same again, even if I know that that’ll never happen. I wish I was closer to my parents, though. I wish it was so easy to open up to them. I wish it was easy for them to understand my decisions and for us to talk about them. I wish they would support me as often as they should. I wish they were more approachable whenever I have a problem or just something on my mind. But it’s impossible for them to ever understand me. They try so hard to keep me from making the same mistakes they did when they were my age, but truth is, they have NEVER walked the same shoes as I did. They have never felt or even experienced half the things I experienced growing up, and I know they know in their hearts that that’s the truth. I guess it works both ways, though. I’m just tired of getting accused for things I never do. I’m tired of them looking at me as such a fuckup & a disappointment to this family. I’m tired of being the reason for why everything bad has to happen to us.
This long distance is killing me. — I’m not going to complain about this much because it was my decision from the start to go through with this relationship or not, and it’s still my decision now whether or not to end it. But I’m not going to give up that easily. I’m not the type to give up on someone that easily anyway. It just hurts being so far away, and knowing that there’s nothing I can really do about it just makes everything worse. I’ve experienced long distance relationships before, but never like this one. For one, we’re in two different countries. We’re half the world away from each other with a fourteen hour time difference. Like I said, I’m not going to complain about this much. If I wanted to end things, I would’ve done it a long time ago. But I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and I’m not giving up. I realize things aren’t going to get any easier from here either. It’s been one hell of a ride so far, and I know we still have so much more in store for us, but I’m ready to face whatever comes. I just wish we could do that side by side. It kills me knowing how much pain he’s in; how much pain WE’RE in. But everything has a price. This is ours.
Everything else, just stresses me. I can’t find my happiness anywhere here. I need something new. I need change. DRASTIC CHANGE. I need to stop surrounding myself with all this bullshit, & just start fresh. Even if that means distancing myself away from my closest friends and family. I know so many people will probably turn their backs on me for making this decision, and probably for even thinking like this. But I’ve spent my whole life pleasing others. It’s time to do something for myself.